I haven’t written in awhile, but the last month or so had been incredibly busy.
I love the end of one year and the anticipation of another. The end of the year is always a time of reflection for me. I reflect on the last year, the highs and the lows, the lessons I learned or still need to learn, and anticipate what could be coming next in the coming year.
2018 started rough for me, but that was to be expected in that season of my life. It had been months of challenges and crises, and the start of the year was simply the same. I started to wonder if this was just how life was supposed to be. However, it also led to some important changes in my life and crucial steps forward. I was able to see a counsellor for a number of months at the start of the year, and even in that small amount of time I learned so much about honouring myself and my feelings, giving myself space, and removing myself from toxic situations.
I had to realize that blaming others could only take me so far. At some point, I had to be accountable to me and for me.
It’s a continuing work in progress, but I can feel a stirring in my soul as I become more certain, more sure, more comfortable within myself.
As I think more about this year, this year has been about me. My learning, my growing, my healing, my health. Learning to love myself as deeply and carefully as I love others.
As I’ve written before, I’ve also been going to the gym a lot more consistently. These changes for my physical health have been amazing. I love the feeling of working every muscle in my body and the pleasant (or sometimes less pleasant) ache. What a joy it has been getting to know what muscles do what and seeing what my body is able to do.
In the last few months, I’ve also started tackling my mental and emotional health. This is something that is just barely starting, but I am so excited to be starting, to be thinking “Maybe I don’t have to live this way after all.” That is something I know I will write about in more detail in the coming months.
This year wasn’t without its challenges. I crashed my car (again), had my heart hurt (I hesitate to say broken), and I cried a lot of tears. Work was stressful, and I lived on the precarious edge of some sort of breakdown. I started to grapple with the realities of the justice system and re-open old griefs. But I know I made it through those challenges thanks to my amazing support system who are my friends, family, colleagues, and, of course, the joy of my heart: my niece, Hailey.
What could 2019 hold for me? I have no idea. I had no idea what the last year would hold either, but I can actually say it was one of the best years of my life. I finally stopped looking over my shoulder for the next terrible thing that would happen. But now, even if bad things do happen, I know I can not just survive, but even thrive.
My goals for the year:
- Read more. Goal: at least 15 books this year. That’s one book a month and 3 extra.
- Continue at the gym, pushing to 5 days a week
- Do more work/promotion/projects for my blog and social media (using my awesome new microphone that I got for Christmas!)
- Run a 5k (I have been saying this for years, but it’s time to do it)
Thanks for all of the love, support, encouragement, and kind words over this year. I’m looking forward to another 365 days of sharing with you!