A few people have asked lately about my love life, and I don’t really blame them because come on, I always have a tale or two. I told my cousin recently that there is no man stressing me out, and it’s awesome. It’s not that men are terrible (some are), but there have been some less than ideal situations in the last year or so, and I’m just so tired. Tired of the whole “let’s talk all the time for a month and then inevitably end it and pretend like it never happened.” But that’s another post for another day.
Ariana Grande released a new banger: “thank u, next.” And this, this is my jam:
Spend more time with my friends
I ain’t worried ’bout nothin’
Plus, I met someone else
We havin’ better discussions
I know they say I move on too fast
But this one gon’ last
‘Cause her name is Ari
And I’m so good with that
After a really hard year in 2017 and a really challenging few months, I am truly in a period of well-being, of rest, of (dare I say it) self-care. I’ve never been good at self-care. I suppose procrastinators rarely are because when you leave ever-y-thing until the last possible moment, you’re always pretty keyed up. “I don’t have time for ______.” Staying up late, missing out on things. Self-care for me for most of my life was grit my teeth and bear it and eventually I’ll rest. When I’m 80.
But now I’m really just attending to myself. Is that a weird way to put that? I’m attending to myself and my needs after so long attending to others. Making sure others feel supported and attended to and whatever else. Which is not bad. It’s not bad to care for others, but sometimes you also have to look after yourself. And maybe if I wasn’t so bad at that, I could do both in tandem.
I told my counsellor once that I needed some time to be “selfish,” and I equated selfish with, well, doing what’s best for me. She stopped me and asked, “Is that really selfish or is that just healthy?” It’s a fine line but also it’s not. I can be caring and generous with my time and energies, but I can also look after myself without being selfish. It’s just healthy. Healthy boundaries.
I’m eating better/healthier than I ever have before. I’ve been crushing it at the gym and, what’s more, overcoming my anxieties about the gym. Instead of just going in, finding a treadmill in the corner, and making myself small, unseen, I am branching out and trying, even if I look silly! Or do it wrong!
I’m investing time in my physical well-being. Those pesky appointments and things that I let fall to the wayside are finally being addressing. I’m actively seeking answers to those annoying ailments that persist to annoy me. I am having the best sleep of my life.
I spent months feeling anxious and crummy and overwhelmed, and now I just feel…
I know there is more that I can do to foster well-being in all facets of my life (not just physically but emotionally, spiritually, mentally, etc), and I really do intend to do those things, but I’m not even feeling guilty about it. I’ll get there. Eventually I want to journal more and do some soul-searching and all that because you can’t truly be well and ignore all those other facets of yourself.
But right now, I’m doing well. I’m doing great. And I’m so so proud of myself for working so hard for this.
So yeah, there’s no guy stressing me out because I don’t have time for it. This time is for me. It’s not selfish. It’s just… healthy.
What can you add to your life to really attend to yourself? You deserve it.