As I am writing, I am on day 4 of a social media detox. Well, day 4 without Instagram and Facebook. It took me longer to get rid of Snapchat, but I finally had to cave and do that as well.

My phone was giving me anxiety.

Every Snapchat, every notification, every text started to fill my heart with dread. I can’t explain why, really. I just got this sudden, overwhelming feeling of too many people having too much access through too many avenues.

I felt like I was drowning.

This all might sound very weird – it’s not like I am outrageously popular and am fending off an endless stream of texts and calls. But what I did get was just too much.

I love technology. I love that I can be in near constant contact with my cousin even though she is in England and I am in Canada. That’s some great stuff there. But then there’s the drawbacks: it’s hard to withdraw. We are all so connected and that’s cool sometimes but sometimes I feel like I’m drowning under the weight of having to reply.

I have always been that person with her phone glued to her hand. I’ve really tried to break the annoying habit of texting or scrolling while someone is talking to me. I’ve found I can’t focus on any one thing for too long. Whenever I watch a movie I’m only half paying attention because I’m also scrolling, scrolling, scrolling… to the point of getting cramps in my thumbs (no joke).

The last couple weeks have just done something to me. I can’t explain it. I can’t put my finger on it. Nothing terrible happened but my soul is tired.

I need rest.

I need to breathe.

I need to read a book (or three or six). I need to be fully present with my friends. I need to stop curating my life on social media.

I just need a break.